I feel like I rarely blog. Well, that’s not the case really. I don’t feel that way, I know that I rarely blog. I suppose that lately my “blog” has been a real person that I occasionally pour my heart out to and odd hours of the night. Though that’s not really true either I suppose. I just keep a lot of stuff to myself if a lot is going on. I update everyone on ridiculous things that are so mundane that its surprising that anyone would care enough to read.

Its been an interesting break. I’ve been up to all sorts of things from dance camps to circus lessons¹ and random heart breaking things which wouldn’t normally have had the same effect, but it still happened.  I guess I had some strange hopes or feelings about things and it turned sour because, as usual, I find that most boys suck.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with a couple of friends of mine who are engaged. I think that, while I love them both dearly, the time has been trying on me. I’ve been finding myself being oddly jealous of her because I occasionally wish that I had met him first. Terrifying though. Maybe its not that I”m jealous of her for having him, but simply a case of being jealous of what they have. The talk to their wedding, the pet names and the whispered conversations late at night were sometimes heartbreaking. Simply put, in those moments I think that I felt far more alone than I should have realizing that I didn’t have anyone like that and I’m not sure, at this point, if I ever will.

I’m learning to be ok with it.

I’m learning that stuff happens.

I’m trying to not let myself think that every guy is a waste of my time, its just hard.

I’m leaning that I need to take time.

I’m attempting.

1. which are exactly what they sound like↩

I realized it was Christmas next week and it blew my mind.

Guys, its Christmas next week. I have no presents, I have no decorations, I have no photos of the craziness that is the weather.

Nice.

So Rockband on Thursday night with friends was a great way to unwind after this week. It was touch and go there at the end as I had two finals within 12 hours and one of them was a surprise as I had gotten my dates wrong. Instead of the exam closing on the 16th like I thought it actually closed on Tuesday at 10 pm. I found this out at 6pm on Tuesday and crammed everything into 4 hours.
I passed, this is all that matters.

I’ve been spending some time with pre-mentioned person of interest lately. Its been nice.  I enjoy the companionship immensely and find myself being far to melodramatic about the whole ordeal which makes me feel a bit silly.

Anyway, the other night was another up far to late night, talking. The conversation went to many different things which was interesting and ended with me mentioned that I was tired, but not and him saying that he was tired, but indifferent to it. I asked why, and of course, the indifference was because of “this” and he leaned in to give me a kiss.  Which was surprising and fun and exciting all at once. Which is weird for me. This is a man that every girl wants and somehow I’ve managed to actually stand out and be something.

Its been nice. Though I’ve got mixed emotions about going home for Christmas since I’m paranoid that he won’t be here when I get back.